I surrender, p.21
I Surrender, page 21
“Okay.” I smile apprehensively. “What to?”
“To you.” He doesn’t go into detail but he has that perverse look in his eye and I catch his gaze slipping to my cleavage.
“To me?” I quiz.
“Yes to you. You really don’t know how extraordinary you are, do you?” I gulp nervously.
When Casey proposed a toast this was not what I was expecting to be saluting. Casey is cocky but not obnoxious, he knows what he wants and by the look in his eye he wants me. A blush creeps up my neck in about three seconds and I timidly salute his glass.
An hour passes with Casey and me chatting lividly of our passion for food. I never thought I would have so much fun with him and question the reason why. That reason is eating a hole into stomach. Maybe Jasper and I aren’t meant to be together. Maybe we are better off as friends.
Shaking Jasper thoughts aside I grab Casey and drag him over to the dance floor as my favorite song is playing. I must be drunker than I thought, as I am usually the first to shy away from bodies gyrating against each other on the dance floor.
Casey pulls me into his chest and wraps his arms around my waist rocking me to the upbeat tempo. I look intently into his face with my hands resting lightly on his wide shoulders, and wonder if I could flirt with him or maybe even attempt to kiss him? He’s attractive, funny and we have the same interests. He does tick all the right boxes. Judging by the way he is holding me, I wouldn’t have to try very hard for that to happen.
He pulls me even closer and runs his lips over my neck slowly; I shiver at the sensation but don’t melt like I usually do with someone else. We dance this way for a few minutes and all the while I feel lightheaded. I am not sure if it’s the cocktails or if it’s being in someone’s arms that aren’t Jasper’s.
The next song starts and Casey motions he’s going to get a drink and for me to stay in the spot I am currently in. He surprises me by leaning in and giving me a chaste kiss on the lips. My eyes widen in alarm and I attempt to pull back but he holds my head in place with a firm grip. It’s only a peck but it feels wrong.
I touch my lips and feel my heart breaking as I stare after him. I should be happy Casey is showing interest in me. But there is only one problem, he’s not Jasper. He doesn’t set me ablaze with one look and he doesn’t send my heart into frenzy when I think about him. I am screwed.
I am surrounded by bodies as the dance floor is crowded and I strangely don’t feel too self-conscious dancing on my own while waiting for Casey. The next song that comes on is MY song. I love this song!
Swaying seductively to Lana Del Ray’s ‘Blue Jeans,’ I am totally lost in the music, because pathetically this song reminds me of Jasper. Eyes closed and entranced by her dark voice I am startled when a pair of warm hands engulfs my waist. That was quick, I think to myself. Casey must have pushed his way through the queue.
Casey molds my back into his solid chest, all the while lazily caressing my waist and stomach with his hands. With my eyes still closed, my head falls back onto Casey’s muscular chest, letting him lead me. He is hard in all the right places but he feels somewhat familiar. I inhale and a recognizable fragrance sends my sense of smell into a wild, riotous frenzy. I disregard it as my drunken brain playing tricks and wishful thinking.
I let the music take me on this sensual journey with Casey because for some unknown reason it reminds me of being in Jasper’s arms. And that thought alone makes this dancing all the more better because I can pretend I am with Jasper.
His hands snake up my body and he riskily dips his fingertips into my exposed bust line but they vanish before I have a chance to enjoy the feel of his fingers on my flesh. His boldness is unexpected, but what is even more surprising is my reaction to him. I feel like a forest fire has spread rapidly from the tip of my head to the bottom on my toes. I didn’t feel this way prior and I feel a stab of guilt for enjoying this seductive expedition.
His hands slowly ascend to my neck holding me closely. He isn’t hurting me, but his grip is firm enough to leave me breathless. He has his thumb and forefinger under my chin, lightly extending my head back so it can rest against his shoulder. His lips graze my temple and I can feel his hot breath brushing against my cheek.
I am about to detonate under his skillful erotic touch, and I want more which surprises me. I turn to kiss him, but he holds me firmly in place. I let out a frustrated whimper and I feel his hot breath stroke my ear as he lets out a soft chuckle. He releases his hold on my neck and returns his hands snugly to my waist, circling his front backwards and forwards against my behind. Wow this takes dirty dancing to a whole new level.
I am so shrouded and don’t know how much longer I can take this sexual tension as he won’t let me touch him. But if I was to be honest with myself, it’s totally turning me on. I like this sexual aggression. It makes me feel wanted and it makes me feel like a Goddess. I feel improper dancing this way with Casey but I can’t help it. It just feels right. What kind of person does that make me? A horny one my inner harlot screams.
My eyes are still closed and I bite my cheek as he dips low and bites my earlobe. I feel his lips trail the shell of my ear, and his warm breath tickles the side of my neck.
I am about to explode and need to get some lip on lip action like now. I attempt to turn around but my knees buckle when I hear him speak.
“Looks like you’ve put those shoes to good use.” My passion turns to panic as that voice is not Casey’s, its Jasper’s.
I attempt to turn around to confirm it’s him, but he holds me prisoner against his chest.
“I wouldn’t want to ruin your fantasy by seeing it’s me you’re dancing with. Do you rub up against everybody this way or is your friend the only one that’s lucky.”
I am shocked and I take a calming breath. Jasper’s words are malicious and I can taste the jealousy in them. I want to face him so he can see the sincerity in my eyes when I inform him it was him I was thinking about. It was him I would have happily danced this way with if he would man up and tell me that’s what he wanted.
Finally his grip ceases and I spin around to explain.
Bad idea. He looks fucking hot! Livid, but hot. His hair has been yanked in every direction in disorder, his cerulean eyes have a hard, furious stare and his sinful lips are pulled into a tight scowl.
I know he is mad at me but I can’t help myself. “Did you follow me here?” Nice one Ava, infuriate the crazy person.
He rolls his eyes and the tip of his tongue shoots out to lick his upper lip.
“No Ava get over yourself, I’m here with Harmony.” Ugh, that’s a name I do not want to hear right now. What a way to ruin the mood.
He is looking at me in silent challenge; he wants me to fight him. Well if it’s a fight he wants, then I am ready to wage war.
“Does she know her date is fondling another woman?” I look at him smugly and cross my arms under my chest, very aware that my breasts are sitting perkily and on display. I catch him sneak a peek, clench his jaw and exhale deeply. I literally have to stop myself from dancing on the spot in excitement because even at each other’s throat he still wants me.
“Nope, does your date know you’re fondling another man?” he answers arrogantly. Well what a way to rain on my parade.
“No he does not. And for the record I thought it was MY date who was fondling me, not you,” I throw back infuriated. I am such a liar but with that complacent look on his face I will be damned if I tell him the truth.
I still have my arms crossed over my chest and he has his hands interlocked behind his head, showing off his flexed biceps. I am not even aware what song is playing, or that we are standing in the middle of the dance floor hogging up prime space for patrons and I most definitely don’t know where my date is because I never had one. Casey was never my date.
“Oh sorry to disappoint you!” He retorts, snapping me out of my thoughts.
That’s it! I have had enough and I feel word vomit approaching.
“Are you fucking kidding me?” I am so wound up I can literally feel the blood pumping through my veins and my face burning red.
Jasper takes a step towards me, his face inches away from mine. “No I’m not, please enlighten me.”
We are totally glaring daggers at each other when I feel myself explode. “Maybe if you grew some balls and actually manned up we would be doing A LOT more than dancing right now!” There I said it. This is not how I envisioned telling Jasper how I felt about him, but this was Jasper and I. Nothing goes to plan.
Jasper chuckles smugly and takes another step forward. He bends so we are pressed together chest to chest and whispers in my ear. “You didn’t seem to mind my balls digging into you a few minutes ago; I’d even say you liked it. Or maybe you act that way with all the boys. ”
I am appalled at his crudeness and pull back to look at his self-satisfied face. I feel a million emotions race over me at once and I feel possessed. I cannot control myself and I do the first thing that feels natural, I slap him so hard it can be heard over the music.
He looks at me horrified, his palm resting over his reddening cheek. What did he expect me to do the arrogant ass! I shouldn’t have slapped him; nothing condones violence especially with someone who grew up with an abusive dad. But I am so mad at him for saying such an indecent thing about me.
I can feel my hand heat and I know my slap had power behind it.
“What the fuck!” he asks stunned, his hand still resting on his cheek. I shouldn’t have slapped him, but I am not in control of my emotions or actions at the moment. I need to leave.
“Yeah, my thoughts exactly.” I shout referring to this sordid behavior.
Before I do something else I regret I storm off and find the exit in a blur. I don’t care I don’t have my bag, I don’t care if Casey and V are looking for me, I don’t care that it’s freakin’ pouring rain and I am resembling a drown rat. Raging through the streets I hail a taxi and thankfully one picks up my sopping ass and transports me away from an argument I did not want to finish.
Chapter 29:
Stars and Hearts
I run into the house to grab some money for the cabbie as I left my purse, jacket and patience back at the club. I kick off my shoes and they hit the wall with a thud. I am soaking wet but I don’t care. I pace backwards and forward fuming. How dare he! Why is he treating me like some whore? It’s none of his business if I want to dry hump my way around Los Angeles! He needn’t know I wished it was him I was dry humping.
He’s made it crystal clear that we’re nothing more than friends. I am sick of these games. I don’t have an on/off emotional switch. His hot and cold is confusing me and pissing me off. He wants me, he doesn’t want me. He says we’re friends but then he sends me mixed signals. This guy is the most infuriating man I have ever met! I know I haven’t declared my feelings, but I have been civil towards him, and never insulted him on purpose.
I do the only thing I can do with my temper at boiling point, I fire up my laptop and put on ‘Florence and the Machine’. The first song appropriately named “Kiss with a Fist” comes blasting through my speakers. I am furious and pacing the house like a caged animal. I am so lost in the music and unaware I am not alone until I turn around and am faced with a pair of enraged cerulean eyes. How did he get in?
“What the fuck do you want Jasper?” I yell at him, unsure if I have the strength to continue with round two.
He races over to me, pulling me into his wet arms. Before crushing his lips to mine he pants, “You.”
Game on.
Jasper pushes me up against the wall; hard. I bang my head on impact, but I don’t care. I need to consume this man, like now. Kissing with an urgency that I can’t keep up with, he holds my head in place with both hands to continue his passionate assault on my mouth. There is a desperate need to get these wet clothes off and be skin to skin. I then realize he is also wet. He must have chased me out of the club not that long after I stormed out. His hair is dripping wet onto my face but I could not care less. I pull his soaked hair hard and he moans, then I bite his lip angrily.
I am so mad at him but I can’t get enough of him. The more I kiss him, the more I want him. His tongue is in my mouth, searching every part of it. He is rough and merciless, but I like it. I want more. I push him back forcefully; his eyes are frenzied and I surprise myself when I rip his t-shirt off. God, he is standing before me shirtless with all those lean muscles on display and to add to insult he’s dripping wet. Beads of water cascade down his chest moving into the line of hair on his stomach. I am envious of that one little droplet that slips into his snail trail and gradually slithers into his pants.
He senses my desire and pulls me up so I am straddling his waist and walks me over to the couch continuing his attack on my mouth. I fall back onto the sofa; with him on top but he never breaks contact with my mouth. His hand plunges under my dress and pulls aside my underwear so he can touch me in my entire naked splendor. I thought kissing Jasper could create an inferno, but this I am surely going to explode from. He inserts one finger, then two and I am soaked.
I desperately try to get his pants off as I fumble with his zipper, but clumsy with eagerness I fail. He doesn’t halt his sweet torment of me below, as he quickly unhooks the clasps on my dress pulling it down revealing my breasts and he latches on. I arch my back and cry out as he continues sucking on my right nipple then moves to the left. All the while, his fingers move back and forth inside of me. My dress is pushed down, but I want it off. I want this so bad. I’ve wanted this from the moment I fell literally head over heels for him.
He is kissing me everywhere and with his onslaught to my body, I am about to explode. I cry out when his fingers leave me to undo his belt. I swiftly offer to help him with his offending garment as he sits up on his knees to unbutton his jeans. He looks down at me and stops. His cheeks are flustered, his hair is in disarray, standing at odd angles from me pulling it, and his lips are red and swollen from kissing me with such force, but his eyes seem to finally take in what we are about to do.
“Are you sure you want to do this? This will change everything,” he whispers, trembling slightly. “If you say yes, I won’t be able to stop myself, I want you so much.”
I reach up and touch his face. “I have never been more certain of anything in my life. Don’t you dare stop.” Jasper rewards me with a heart stopping smile and questions one last time. “Are you sure? I know once I start I will be lost in you.” I understand his apprehension as the last time we were about to get physical I freaked out. I pull him into a kiss, a kiss that is filled with months of wanting him, the desire to give myself to him emotionally and physically. That answers all his doubts.
Off come his jeans and boxers and I gasp when I see him in his glorious stripped state. He is ready for me and I swallow in concern. How am I meant to accommodate him? He senses my concern and brushes the hair off my face.
“We’ll go slow okay.” I bite my lip and nod quickly.
He slips my dress clean off, along with my underwear. He bends down and retrieves a condom from his jeans pocket and there is no turning back.
I peer down at myself and reality hits that I am really naked right now. I shyly reach down to cover myself, but Jasper stops me with his hand. He searches my face with an adoring look on his. “Don’t ever feel ashamed. You in this moment looking at me, trusting me, it’s just fucking beautiful.”
And with that he pushes into me quickly, moving me up the couch with his forceful stroke as I hold back a sob of pleasure.
He stills for a moment, as my insides are stretched further than I thought possible. He rocks slowly into me, trying to make our connection as comfortable for me as he can without driving into me too deeply, too quickly. This is foreign to me. I feel like I am about to implode with him inside of me.
“Are you okay, am I hurting you?" Jasper whispers, his head resting in the crook of my neck trying to catch his breath.
I can’t form a sentence, I feel so full, body and soul. I nod, holding in a breath and biting my lip in blissful pain hoping he will understand I am more than okay.
He understands my actions and picks up the pace deliciously. He starts with slow and light controlled strokes and the sensitivity is heightened as he reaches down rubbing my center lightly with his thumb. The noises that are coming out of me are primeval but I can’t stop myself. Neko Case’s ‘I Wish I was the Moon’ is doing a poor job of concealing my cries of pleasure.
I nearly explode from the sweet torment, but I know he's not there yet so I hold off until we are both well spent. He is staring at me, his eyes assessing my reaction to him moving so deeply within me. The sensation is nothing I have ever felt before and I close my eyes from the satisfaction of having Jasper buried inside of me.
I feel him brushing my hair off my face and kissing the tip of my nose. I am heated all over and when he softly bites my chin I exhale an untamed moan which encourages him to increase his velocity and I buckle with the force. He smells so good; my senses in this moment are heightened tenfold. We are panting and breathing heavily and I am so close but I know he’s not ready.
“Let go baby, this is all for you,” he pants, stroking me so steadily I feel like I am about to burst.
“No, not before you. Together.” I barely manage to reply, his voice enough of a trigger for my close climax to almost erupt.
“I know how I can make you,” he answers confidently as he pulls out of me fully then pushes himself back in slowly, caressing my center with skill. I fold and pant in pleasure.
I don’t doubt his expertise as I am barely holding on with his skilful assault on my body but I am stubborn and hold on- just.
I open my eyes and see him gauging my reaction; I know he is stopping himself from letting totally go. He is looking at me, hands braced on either side of my head. The look on his face nearly spirals me into ecstasy, but I want to enjoy this ride for as long as I can.
