Despicable, p.7
Despicable, page 7
“Get her more food,” Violet hissed to Ella, who grumbled about the boy she meant to meet up with, but listened anyway. “She’s going to eat all of it.”
My stomach lurched. Was Violet insane? My mom would have diagnosed her as insane just for eating chips.
“I don’t need more food.”
“Girl, you don’t eat. Ever. I appreciate you staying on your Naomi Campbell shit, but... you’re going to die.”
Thanks, Trevor.
“Guys,” I said, trying to sound forceful, “I’m fine.”
“You’re frail,” Vi shrieked.
Violet pressed the back of her hand to my head, more for the drama of doing so than accurately measuring my temperature. Ella reappeared with a pint and a hamburger.
“You brought her a bloody pint?” Violet hissed, her hazel eyes narrowing in a scowl that made her look like an evil Mary Poppins.
“I didn’t buy it,” Ella whined, “Devin got her a pint.”
“She passed out, how could a pint help?” Vi sneered.
“Give it to me,” I said.
I dragged the pint across the table. And drank it. Every. Last. Drop. When I slammed the pint on the table, Trevor cheered. Violet gazed at me half-horrified and half-impressed. Katrina was properly horrified. Ella, equally disturbed.
“You drank the entire thing?”
“I said I’m fine.”
I took a single “chip” off the plate and scrambled over Trevor to stand up and prove my strength. My head felt light. And funny. My stomach churned from the alcohol. I loved my friends but I hated them doting over me. Daring me to eat. Forcing food down my throat. I kept the chip pressed crisply between my fingers.
“Anyone have a cigarette?”
“You don’t smoke,” Ella reminded me.
“Cigarette, Ella. Now.”
She handed me one of hers. I didn’t care that I didn’t have a lighter.
“We’re here to have fun. I went a little too crazy, but I am 100% okay,” I said.
I took a dramatic bite of the chip and fought every reflex in my stomach to send it down after the bubbling beer.
I continued, “I’m going to have a cigarette and then each of us will find the fittest guy in here and dance on him. I’m talking BUTTS people. BUTTS on CROTCHES. And Katrina, Crispin didn’t rape me. We were talking. And I didn’t faint... I stumbled. So, are we going to have fun or are we going to have fun?”
They glanced around the table. Confused. They couldn’t tell if I was alright or not. I wasn’t. That cip was desperately clawing at my esophagus for escape. As for the beer. My head felt a little better with some food but the urge to devour everything in sight undid whatever the single chip had done.
“Come on!”
They had no choice but to listen. I seemed fine. Didn’t I always? Trevor grabbed Katrina’s hand and ushered her onto the dance floor for the DJ’s remix of an older Britney song. I didn’t know it. Mom and dad only let me listen to classical music as a kid. I can’t even repeat what they used to say about rap music. Trust me, I know. Because I repeated it. And got suspended for ‘hate speech’.
I walked outside with my cigarette and half eaten chip. As I walked towards the door, Violet and Ella sat with the food and leaned over, whispering to each other in hushed tones. Maybe they weren’t talking about me, but Vi glanced away guiltily when I flashed her a thumbs up, so I assumed she was still concerned. Sigh. I didn’t want them to worry.
Outside, I leaned against the brick walls of the pub.
A girl on the tennis team (wearing her uniform) pressed up against a brunette man around as tall as she was. She had her hand in his crotch.
I didn’t want to look. Their moaning made it difficult. Ugh. I just felt like garbage and that stupid chip…I leaned against the wall, wondering if a cigarette was the best idea.
I retched. The couple didn’t stop hooking up.
“You love my cock, don’t you babe?” he said to her.
I retched again, throwing up all over the ground outside. More vomit came. I dropped the half-eaten French fry into the vomit and clutched my stomach. Water. I need water. Then more vomit came.
I stumbled against the wall, away from the pub entrance and felt a hand wrap around my hair. My first thought was that Violet saw me. A hand pressed against my back. I threw up more. The hand guided me back a few steps. I squeezed my eyes shut and tears rolled down my cheek.
“Hey. Are you okay?”
I stumbled away, more repulsed than before I’d thrown up.
“Felix...”
Felix Stubbins pushed me against the wall.
“I heard you fucked two guys on the team tonight.”
“Get off me.”
I pushed him. He pushed back. Hard. I stumbled against the wall and groaned. My stupid cigarette fell into the puddle. I hadn’t smoked it. Thank goodness.
“Slut,” he snarled.
“I didn’t have sex with two people on your team,” I said, feeling woozy but knowing I needed to stand my ground.
“What makes you think you’re better than me?” Felix asked. I wondered if he knew how much his voice sounded like whining.
The couple making out hardcore probably thought we were only having a conversation. Or a lover’s spat. I could have screamed. But I didn’t think I needed to. I pushed him. He pushed back.
“Have sex with me,” he said, “Do it now. I’ll make you. I’m not going to end this night a virgin.”
I chuckled.
“Stop laughing.”
I laughed harder.
“You’re a virgin?” I sneered.
He yelled, “Stop laughing!”
The couple glanced over and disappeared into the darkness. Good thing I didn’t need them. Felix changed color, his skin tone soon matching his bright red hair.
“I said stop laughing. Take your clothes off.”
“Someone could walk out and see you,” I giggled.
That only made him angrier.
“Come on then,” I said, through belly laughing, “Take your cock out. Attack me. Come on, tiny dick. Do it. Have sex with me.”
I laughed again and he yelled at me to stop. But I’d gone past the point of control. Felix tried to slap me but I grabbed his hand and pushed him off. I wasn’t stronger than him but he didn’t expect me to fight back. He didn’t think I could.
“Get away from me, Felix. You don’t scare me.”
“Bitch.”
I stuck my tongue out.
“Bye!”
He stumbled off, defeated. And embarrassed. I’d won this round against a football boy. And it felt good. Except for the hunger. And my trembling hands. Thank goodness Felix didn’t notice. I don’t know what he would have done if he’d noticed how he’d terrified me. There was no one out on the quiet, abandoned street, making it a little nerve-wracking to be there alone.
I walked around to the other side of the pub, with the kitchen entrance. Two of the serving staff walked out with giant bags of trash, swearing under their breath about the stupid private school kids. That’s us... stupid private school kids. But we’re not technically kids, since this is a college. To these guys, we must be pretty young.
I knew how to get their attention.
“Oi!” I said, absolutely failing to sound English, but getting their attention successfully.
The two men glanced up in surprise. It was dark and I wasn’t near any lights, rendering me nearly invisible. I stepped closer to them.
They laughed and elbowed each other. The taller one asked me, “American?”
“Uh huh.”
“What do you want, lass?” the taller one asked. I wondered if I’d been stupid trying to talk to them.
I’d been happy that I dropped my cigarette at first, but the interaction with Felix made me crave something to stop my trembling hands. But now that I’d actually acted on my urge and spoken to these men, I realized the foolishness of my endeavor.
I didn’t know them and they could just as easily be predators like Felix. My heart pounded as I stammered through my request, “D-do you have a cigarette?”
I sounded stupid and dangerously underage, but they just laughed and didn’t appear threatening at all.
“We gave our last one to one of your school mates. But you can have my phone number instead,” one of them said. I couldn’t even tell which one it was.
“I’ve got a boyfriend. Sorry!” I lied.
I hurried to the other side of the pub, embarrassed. I had to soothe myself mentally, telling myself they were only flirting with me and wouldn’t jump around the corner and attack me just because I turned one of them down. I heard them continuing their conversation like they’d forgotten about me already.
I pressed my back against the wall once I was out of sight. A tiny glowing light appeared from the pitch black beside me. I shrieked.
Crispin Barclay stepped away from the wall.
“Fuck’s sake. It’s you,” he snarled.
Chapter 8
My Boyfriend
Crispin stepped toward a street lamp. Large moths nosedived into the pale yellow glow. And a bruise covered his face. I forgot that I hated him. I forgot that I wanted to snatch the cigarette from his fingers and shove him.
“What happened to you?” I asked instead.
“Devin,” he snarled, “Thanks for telling everyone I fucking raped you.”
My heart pounded as I only partially registered what he said. Beer bubbled within me again. I blurted out something stupid.
“Devin did that for me?”
“Not for you,” he said, slowly and condescendingly, “Because you made him look like a chump. He’s searching for you now. Better not let him find you back here.”
“I never said you raped me.”
“Mind telling everyone I didn’t?”
“I already did. You’re the one who dragged me into a bathroom.”
Crispin snarled, “You fainted. Try having something to eat. You’re much too thin.”
His comment pierced me more than Violet’s whispering or Ella’s up-and-down glances. Much too thin. Why did it bother me that Crispin thought that? Everyone thought I was much too thin. That was the point, wasn’t it?
“I’m fine,” I snapped, “And I’ll talk to Devin.”
“Oh. Talking. That will undo a black eye. Thanks.”
“I’m sorry.”
I took one step past him before Crispin grabbed my arm.
“Be careful tomorrow, Amina. First day on the team. Anything could happen.”
I was still shaken from Felix. Crispin’s comments spread gooseflesh over my forearm, but only the one he held. Like he was spreading that tingly fearful feeling through me. I yanked my arm away. Crispin puffed and handed the cigarette to me.
“You shouldn’t have to flirt with the help to get a smoke.”
“No thanks.”
I was also embarrassed that he’d heard me. Although I’d hardly say I did any flirting. He didn’t stop me walking away this time but he called after me, “Does Devin know he’s your boyfriend?”
I flushed with shame. Devin wasn’t my boyfriend. And I didn’t want either of us to get confused about that.
“He’s not my boyfriend,” I said, gauging Crispin’s face for a reaction that I didn’t find. He was acting like he cared so damn much, I expected him to at least look pleased.
I wandered to the front of the pub, where I could hear Devin’s thick Essex accent. Great. What the hell was he doing outside? His annoying ass was everywhere. Devin’s accent was thickened by his tongue rolling lazily about his mouth, garbling his speech.
“She’s run off to shag him. I know she has. I’ll kick her arse when I get my hands on her,” Devin growled.
“Is that my ass you’re talking about?” I snapped.
“Amina!”
Katrina pushed past Devin and wrapped her arms around me. She smelled like beer. Not from her breath. From her clothes. Like someone spilled a drink on her. She dragged me over.
“Devin. Apologize to Amina. Now.”
“I’m not sorry,” Devin said to her and then to me, he said, “Did you fuck Crispin?”
I shook my head.
“He raped you then?”
Again, I shook my head. Katrina rolled her eyes. She only believed in a world where Crispin was a deviant sexual predator.
“So you didn’t have to punch him in the face,” I snapped.
Devin shrugged.
“Mess with my girl, that’s what happens.”
My girl.
“I’m not your girl, Devin.”
He turned red.
I knew Devin would blow up. He hated standing out. And I’d just “dumped” him outside the pub in front of several of our friends. He paused for a second, staring at me. The beat allowed more surrounding drama to unfold.
Felix Stubbins exited the pub, clutching madly at a Year 13 girl who towered over him by several inches and used his shoulder as a crutch to stumble out of the place. She’d regret that in the morning. Felix grabbed her butt enthusiastically. She kissed him and pushed him up against the pub door. I exhaled with relief.
I didn’t want Felix to join Devin.
“Amina... I know,” Devin said finally after staring far too long at Felix and the Year 13 girl
Okay. So no blow up.
“You’re not my girl, because I’d never fucking take someone seriously who dressed like that, acted like that and talked like that. You’re a fucking embarrassment. You all should see her when we’re fucking, just lying there like a black Barbie.”
“Screw you, Devin,” I said, heat rushing to my cheeks. I just couldn’t handle him anymore. Being with him at all wasn’t worth it and… I was so fucking hungry. Rage clouded me. And exhaustion. Maybe everyone was right about my eating.
“Screw me? No, you’d only screw me if I was one of my friends. How many of them have you gotten around to? I knew there was a reason you were so loose.”
“Stop it!” Katrina yelled, “Devin, stop it!”
Maybe she’d yelled it more times. I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t take it. I pushed him. He didn’t expect it but he stopped himself from pushing back. He wanted to hurt me. I wished he did. I pushed him again. And then I hit him.
“Amina!”
Katrina lunged and tried to pull me off him. I wriggled away from her and kicked Devin. He doubled over.
“Hit her back, mate!” Jack Dyson, another stupid football player said.
“I can’t hit a girl!” Devin yelled.
I screamed and held my fist over his face. I could hit his nose. I could break it. But he looked so... terrified. He put his hand up to my fist and wrapped his fingers around it.
“A-Amina,” he stammered, “Stop...”
“Fuck. You.”
“O-okay. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said all that stuff.”
I could practically hear his heartbeat. Break him, I thought to myself. With his hand wrapped around mind, I tiptoed and kissed him. On the cheek, but it was a kiss and he melted against the wall. Stunned. More people gathered around. More people were watching.
“I’m not your girlfriend, Devin,” I said. “I’m not your fuck buddy. I’m nothing to you and we are completely, entirely fucking done because you’re an asshole who uses people and treats them like garbage. So fuck off.”
I pulled my hand from his and I walked back into the pub. Katrina chased after me and dragged me over to our table. Vi was drunkenly arguing with Ella about our dress code, “It’s barbaric that we have to wear skirts. How is that any different from the Taliban!”
She stopped when she saw me. I sat and sighed, burying my face in my hands. I’d let go. Devin was probably scared shitless of me and everyone would be calling me a psychopath in the dining hall by Monday. Katrina sat next to me, grinning from ear to ear.
“I wanted to be angry at her, but I couldn’t. You’re absolutely mad, Amina.”
Violet grew concerned.
“What did you do?”
“Food,” I gasped, “I need... food.”
Violet and Ella elbowed each other. I didn’t ask where Trevor was. He’d probably lured a hook up out of the pub and into his car. Which might mean I had trouble getting home.
“What do you want to eat?” Katrina asked cautiously.
Vi nodded and flashed her a thumbs up.
“Vodka tonic...”
Vi scowled before I could finish.
“... and a steak.”
There was nothing like a good steak to remind me of Texas. And my parents. Steaks were some of the best parts of growing up. We had steak whenever daddy won an election or when he closed a big contract. When he had steak, he drank red wine and when he drank red wine, he was too sleepy to get angry. Or to do any worse than that.
Katrina buzzed off. Vi put her hand on mine.
“There’s nothing wrong with steak, Amina.”
I narrowed my eyes.
“I know.”
“It won’t make you fat.”
I nodded. Except, it would make me fat. It’s just tonight, I didn’t care as much. Katrina skipped the vodka tonic and returned with a steak. I cut into it and savored the first bite. It was perfect. In Texas, we always said the best steak was medium-rare and this one was cooked to perfection. I was sure of it. Then again, a barbecued rat might have been perfect, I was so hungry.
No one said a word until I had a few bites down.
“And you’re not going into the loo alone,” Violet said ominously. I hadn’t planned on that.
“I went too far with Devin.”
“What happened?”
“He called her a bunch of names tried to embarrass her. Amina was totally fearless. She punched him.”
“You punched him?!”
“He didn’t hit back,” I retorted.
But Devin probably should have.
“Amina, you can’t go around punching people.”
“Tell Devin that.”
“What?”
“He punched Crispin,” Katrina excitedly filled in, “I heard he’s already got a bloodied eye.”
