Sync, p.1
Sync, page 1
Also by Ellen Hopkins
Crank
Burned
Impulse
Glass
Identical
Tricks
Fallout
Perfect
Tilt
Smoke
Traffick
Rumble
The You I’ve Never Known
People Kill People
For younger readers
Closer to Nowhere
What About Will
Nancy Paulsen Books
An imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, New York
First published in the United States of America by Nancy Paulsen Books, an imprint of Penguin Random House LLC, 2024
Copyright © 2024 by Ellen Hopkins
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Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data is available.
Ebook ISBN 9780593463253
Cover photo: trahko/Adobestock
Cover design by Theresa Evangelista
Edited by Stacey Barney
Design by Cindy De la Cruz, adapted for ebook by Michelle Quintero
This book is a work of fiction. Any references to historical events, real people, or real places are used fictitiously. Other names, characters, places, and events are products of the author’s imagination, and any resemblance to actual events or places or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
The publisher does not have any control over and does not assume any responsibility for author or third-party websites or their content.
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Contents
Dedication
Storm
Are You Safe Tonight, Lake?
Straight Up
I’ve Been Locked Up Before
Mom Was Happy
That Is Branded into Memory
The Toys
Two Days Later
Jim’s Old Guy Cool
Between the Whittingtons and Jim
The Problem
Age Thirteen
Post Detention
I Was the Only One There
Lake
Happy Birthday to Us
When We First Arrived
In That Moment
Storm Got the Dog
That Summer
Six Years Ago
We Had the Next Year Together
Turning Twelve
I Could Barely Breathe
I Write These Vivid Recollections
Way Closer
My Current Bedroom Door Opens
Outside, Shadows Slant Long
It Was Nice While It Lasted
Someone’s Coming Down the Hall
I Shut the Door Behind Colleen
Storm
It Was Unreasonably Hot
Okay, I’d Hooked Up
I Have No Clue
And Two
She’s Picking Me up Now
It’s a Short Drive
None Have Had Beds
Downstream Drift
Words Froth Behind My Lips
Not Only
She Lights Seventeen Candles
Jaidyn Nods
That Little Outing
Holidays
The Bad Things
It Didn’t Make Me a Believer
Lake
Trying to Fit In
I Only Have One Class
Barely Three Weeks
The Bell Rings
Parker Blocks My Path
The High Spikes After Class
Guess I Was Right
One Small Problem
Parker Yells to Wait Up
The Real Question Is
After the Final Bell
It’s a Ten-Minute Stroll
The Girl Isn’t Much Older
I’m Drawn to Say Hello
Storm
Jaidyn Picks Me Up Before School
On the Ride Home
I Tamp Down Expectation
School Is Impossible This Morning
She Is Amazing
Standing Beneath
Pam Did Her Best
I’ve Mostly Sewn
By Mutual Silent Agreement
It’s Tossed at Us
Harsh, but I Get It
Which Reminds Me
It Takes Under an Hour
I Try Calling Jaidyn
A Shimmer of Sunlight
Lake
I Open My Eyes
Parker’s Jealous
I Fought the Urge
Finally Crashed Around Midnight
Afterward, Parker Is Hungry
I Find Parker
In the Car
When We Get to the Church
It’s One of Those Things
When I Finish the Story
She Paints a Vivid Picture
Fortunately, the Witnesses
Irritation Prickles
Storm
I Ring Jaidyn’s Doorbell
I Come Across
But She Screams
I Will Kill Him
I Don’t Need the News
We Go Slowly
Exactly How Chews at Me
Anger Roils All Sunday Night
Rash? Me?
I Don’t Admit
Morley Slurps
The Noise
Not Until Someone
Lake
Once I Learned
My Nerves Are Singing
Instead
Assault and Battery
I Never Talk About My Ability
Candace Drops Us
Once Jay Has Rounded the Corner
The Lecture
Even Worse
If He’s Talking
Colleen Sputters
Hard to Argue
She Knows It
Storm
Arrested
Yeah, I Know
The Initial Interview
Rapport Confirmed
Mistake
It Takes an Hour
It Didn’t Take Long
C Unit
I Make the Bed, Remembering
One Memorable Afternoon
We Spent Weeks in Isolation
Lockup Sucks
Lake
Why Is Love
Best to Treasure
Nothing Storm Writes
I Worry About That with Parker
The Common Thread
I Was Too Blown Away
She Refused to Give It Back
Boom
I Finish Beloved
Today Is Checkup Day
The Receptionist Informs Me
A Car Horn Blares
Colleen’s Meeting
I Hit My Own Bed Early
But Beyond the Physical
We Lie
Almost
I’m Jerked Awake
Storm
Four Days Waiting
But What I Say Is
The Living Situation Was Impossible
One of Those Times
Booze for Breakfast
Ms. Wilson’s Face
That Seems to Impress Her
Lance Is Not Stupid Enough
Blunt
I Shuffle Across Polished Floors
One Day Bleeds into the Next
For Whatever Reason
Lake
Wishing
Reality Set in Quickly
The Days Smudge into Each Other
That Misplaced Sense
We’ve Been Super Careful
We Decide
At the Library
In This Moment
Totally Immersed
I Peek Past
It’s a Surprise
My Turn
The Need to Pee
Parker and I Spend the Morning
Storm
The Day Before My Hearing
The Bruises Are Gone
On the Hook
Two Years in County Lockup
The Packrat Offers
The Morning’s Weight
Case in Point
If the Guards
Bloodbath Averted
Both Safety and Danger
It’s Byron
Jim s Letter
I Reread
Lake
This Rain
We Hesitate
St. Vincent’s Soup Kitchen
This Is His Story
Or in a Tent City
Teddy’s Revelation
Teddy’s Tent
Parker Motions
Good Plan
I’ll Take It
We All Agree We Are
Parker’s Vindictiveness
We Roasted Hot Dogs on Sticks
Worry Gnaws
Storm
Eight Weeks
Precisely Why
I Try
Clay’s a Clown
I Can Relate
Aw, Shit, Here We Go
On the Plus Side
There’s Someone
I Can’t
I Vow to Change That
My Heart Implodes
A God-Awful Sound
Byron Comes to Collect Me
I Realize
He Says He’ll See
Sleep Rolls Over Me
Kit Beaumont
Lake
Implosion
Alone on the Street
Who’s That in the Mirror?
I Order
Time Is Watery
I Debate
Not for the First Time
It Takes Three Buses
One Energy Stream
I Swim Up
Post Squatting
I Plunge My Hand
Can’t Yell
I’m Not Dead
Storm
Damn Long Odds
Isolation Sucks
Violence Begets Violence
Thinking Too Much
That’s What Emerges
Rhetorical Questions Require No Response
Harris Grunts, Annoyed
Sounds…Hot
The Bus
Freeway to Highway
I Understand What He Means
Michael Gestures Wide
Lake
Some Coincidences
I Agree to Go to the ER
I Have to Scan
No Storm
That Drops Us into Silence
It’s All That Remains
We’re Still Waiting
We Watch Marina Leave
All Stitched Up
She Keeps Her Promise
It Takes Forever
We Shop at Walmart
Candace Exits the Freeway
The Bedroom’s Pretty
Storm
Thanksgiving at the Ranch
I Could Find Trouble Here
But Today
I Try Not to Dwell on Lake
Best Turkey Day Meal Ever
It’s Still Wagging
New Dogs Arrive Monday
The Irony Is
Ryan Drifts Off
What Have I Done?
The Last One
Seems Like Forever
After Lunch
Monday Classes Dismiss Early
Lake
School
I’ve No Desire to Run
An Announcement Interrupts
I’ve Never Been in a Costco
Clothes
I Retrieve
With Parker in My Head
Maybe I Do
Takes a While
Burdens
Eyes on the Prize
Dried Flower, in Pieces
Storm
Zero
Then Something Clicked
We’ve Been Together
But That’s Not Today
Inexplicably, Sleep Eludes Me
I Stroke His Head
After Breakfast
But When We Reach
Her Body Heaves
Emptied
Christmas
Frantic Barking
Lake
Ironically
That’s Worthy of Effort
My Seams
Does She Not Know Me at All?
Josie Was Right
It’s Weird
Josie Turns into a Gas Station
I Start Toward the Door
Storm
Six Weeks
As for the Rest
Lake
I Couldn’t Have Imagined
It’s Saturday
Author’s Note
Acknowledgments
About the Author
_148081854_
This book is dedicated to all those struggling to experience the joy and comfort of “home.” My wish for you is safety, shelter, belonging, and love.
STORM
Are You Safe Tonight, Lake?
It’s my job to keep you that way.
I decided that when we were three.
I remember it like it was yesterday,
now almost fourteen years ago.
We were locked in the closet.
Shivering with fear. Every time we heard
Beverly’s footsteps outside the door
we’d shrink against the wall.
You got so scared you started
to hiccup. I put my arm around
your shoulder. “I’ll protect you,” I said.
“It’s my job. I’m your big brother.”
You whispered we were twins.
That made us the same age.
“No,” I argued. “I came out
first. That makes me older.”
Sometimes memories like that float
from the depths of my brain,
ascend like buoys before
submerging and sinking again.
It’s our birthday eve. We turn
seventeen tomorrow. So of course
you’re on my mind. It’s the last day
of August. Senior year just started.
I have no clue where you are,
or how long you’ve been there.
New foster placement? Longtime?
My gut tells me you’re not too far away.
I hear from you when our caseworkers
manage to intersect paths, pass on
letters or cards. But I haven’t
seen you in five long years.
Well, unless you count that one time
Mom decided we should reunite.
That experiment lasted three weeks.
Honestly, longer than expected.
It was enough time for you
and me to forge our sync again.
Remember how we called it that—
the way our thoughts seemed synchronized?
I wonder which high school you go to.
Do you think, over the years,
we were ever at the same football
game, rooting for opposite teams?
Are you still acing your classes?
Despite all the crap in our childhood,
you vowed to succeed in school,
find a way to live your dreams.
I’m afraid dreaming is a fool’s game
I quit, cold turkey, years ago.
Gambling on dreams successfully
requires belief in tomorrow.
I can
barely
hold on
to today.
Straight Up
I programmed myself
to stop dreaming at night
after the last nightmare.
It was one of those
where you’re running
because someone’s chasing you.
You don’t know who, or why,
only that they want to hurt you.
No place to hide.
No one to turn to.
No help at all.
So you run.
Footsteps behind.
Closing in.
Don’t turn to look.
Just get away.
The dream was a rerun.
Only this time
someone catches me
and when I turn,
the grimacing stranger
claims he is my dad.
I’ve never met my father.
Have no clue who he is.
Occasionally, in deep-of-night
musings, I wonder if he
could be responsible
for the person I’ve become.
Is there a genetic lean
toward lockup?
